On Parole

Finally, I'm a free baby and can get back to my computer to write a post!
Mummy kept taking me to that Jellybeans place (Oh why do you leave me Mother?), when we were home she was running around 'getting ready' - whatever that means. My tooth and running scientific tests re. it's uses in conjunction with the research arm of the International League of Infant Anarchists have also kept me busy. And now we appear to have been invaded by Mummy's family. Last night, just before I went to bed there was Mummy, Daddy, Auntie Kathryn, Auntie Josie, Uncle Denis, Auntie Becca and my cousins and fellow International League of Infant Anarchists members Clancy and Claudia - All in my lounge room!
Something's going on and I want to know what!

Not in vain!

All that whinging I've been indulging in has not been in vain......I have a tooth!
Surely this is a sign of my superior intelligence, and my good looks and charm!

Redressing the Balance.

It has come to my attention that Mummy was heard yesterday skiting about how well I was sleeping..... Tut tut dear mother, you should know better than that- The moment you brag about how well your child is sleeping it comes back to bite you on the arse!
Firstly, Mummy, the traitorous wench took me to the clinic yesterday and when we got there, they sprung an immunisation on me. (Secretly, it didn't hurt that much.... but man - have I got an inoculation hangover now!)
Secondly, when we got back home our Mum's group came over and I got put to bed! I have my suspicions that people were sitting in my highchair, playing with my toys, rolling on my floor and getting licked by my Nellie.
So as a result, I gave Mummy a night she will never forget. There was moaning, there was screaming, there was kicking, there was scratching.....and that was just Mum! She ended up giving me to Daddy who let me watch late night Star Trek with him in the lounge room.
Serves her right for getting complacent.....

The Sleep Score

Mummy: 30
Me: 0

LOST: My Blogging Mojo...

To my dear audience, I regret to announce that I, Walter Uber-Baby appear to have lost my inspiration, my groove, my blogging mojo. I sit here at the computer and am at an absolute loss as to what to tell you.....

• My teeth still hurt, but I've got nothing to show for it.
• I've been a bit of a failure on the sleep front, I've only managed to wake up once a night the last few nights.
• The parents keep taking me to these strange confectionery named institutions called child care, apparently just for 'a little play'. Why are there so many babies, why are the grown ups so busy?
• Mummy and Daddy have been doing something called cleaning, and are now waiting for some powersuited despot from the realestate agency to arrive for something called a real estate inspection.
• This means that Nellie dog has gone to a doggie day care for the day....good, someone else deserves to suffer!
• My friends from mum's group are coming to lunch tomorrow....Yay! Lachlan and Logan and Luke and Ella and Tamika and Eleanor! Yay!

That is the sum total of my life......

Out of the Closet.

On the occasion of my six month birthday, I feel that it's time to fess up and come clean (at least to the health professionals of this world).....I'm on solids! Pumpkin, Potato (Sweet or otherwise), Cauliflower, Broccoli. Farex, Pears and Apples - I love them all. I've even been known to indulge in the odd rusk from time to time (or at least now that I've figured out how to make my hands bring themselves up to my mouth!) Zombie Mama seemed to think that a full tummy might help me sleep at night.....yeah right! I'm still ensuring that she never gets more than a few hours sleep at a time, but solids have helped me schlep my weight back up to the 50th percentile after the great boob war of 2006. But all this healthy food seems to pale in comparison to the nibble of choice of my good friend, Lachlan......

It's a fine line between teething and being a little bugger.

Ouch, Ow, Bugger, What the?!
Like a teenager with their first hangover, I'm in a whole world of pain. My teeth hurt..... or more precisely, my two lower central incisors are making me feel like my gums are being attacked by a rusty razor blade. I'm awash with dribble, I can't get enough of things to chew and my cheeks are red and irritated....and that's just the cheeks on my face!
Consequentially, I'm acting like a right little PITA (pain in the arse to the uninitiated - it took Zombie Mama several months to work that one out.)
Which leads me to ask, just how much milage can one baby get out of one set of teeth?

Ciao, Jack.

To my friend Jack from Mum's Group,
Mummy and I are terribly sad to say goodbye to you and your Mum, Rachel. We hope you love living in Singapore and we'll miss you each and every Thursday.
Love Walter.

Me and My Mummy.

P.S. International League of Infant Anarchists Vice President, Clancy- my thoughts are with you in this time of need. You have a limited time span to wreak as much havoc as you can...May the force be with you, Walter.

Thought of The Day.

My admin staff claim that their typing fingers are sore......
Have a look at this for a laugh....

http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/index.html

Nellie... How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

It has recently come to my attention that I am sharing my parents and my home with the most magnificent, magical creature. She is deliciously furry and warm, runs around a lot and has the most wonderful waggy tail. This 'thing' takes a lot of watching (usually whilst Mummy is trying to breast feed me) and seems to hang on my every dribble, just waiting to give me a surreptitious lick and a sniff. Oh Nellie Dog (for that is what the parents call her), I can't wait to get my hands on you!

Human Rights Violations.

The following is a list of war crimes perpetrated by my mother and the staff of the QEII centre.

• Made me sleep in the Nursery on the first night to let Mummy get some sleep.
• Only let me have one bottle over night, rather than the all night smorgasboard I'm used to.
• Took away my cosy, cuddly swaddling sheets.
• Forced me to sleep on my back, like some 'normal' baby (I promptly rolled over at every opportunity....just to demonstrate my disgust with this for this arcane practice.)
• Insisted that I cry myself back to sleep when I woke up after thirty minutes during the day (Well, what do they expect, changing my sleeping position?)
• Stopped me from hdeliciouslicous booby just before bed.
• At night, as I said before I'm allowed a roll over feed, then nothing, zilch, zipuntil untill 6am. Apparently I'm supposed to be content with having my dummy put back in and a quick pat on the bum (Some would call it a smack.....that's it- I'm telling child protection!)

And you know what the worst thing is about these human rights violations? They work, they bloody well work! It has become evident that it's not worth waking up in you don't get any booby, and whilst I'm still protesting over the day time nap business, i feel my resolve is slipping.....

Damn you, Damn you all to Hell!!!!!!

Back at my desk.

Well finally, after what seems like years, Mummy and I are back in the real world. We had four nights, five days all inclusive at the luxurious Queen Elizabeth II Family Centre, courtesy of The ACT government and your hard earned tax dollars. And my god, it was exhausting! Mummy and I are both gibbering wrecks now that we are home....Who knew that sleep could be so tiring?
Since our arrival home I've given Nellie the wonderdog a good going over (I plan to post about Nellie soon), discovered that Aunty Kate and her Irritable Uterus have taken up residence on the couch and been smothered in kisses and cuddles from Daddy, who obviously missed me heaps and heaps (well, who wouldn't!).
For all of you masochists (Clancy, Lachlan, I'm talking to you!) who want to know the gory detail of the tortures inflicted upon me, I'll post in more detail in the next few days.
But god, it's good to be back at the computer....I think Mummy was having withdrawals!

Missing In Action

Just a quick post to let you, my adoring public know that Mummy and I are going into sleep school today, a day early. We will be incognito untill the weekend. If you need to talk to Mummy you can call her on her mobile or talk to Daddy and he will pass on any messages.
Members on The International League of Infant Anarchists, pray for me!

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day, Dad.
Love from The Boy.

Memo to The International League of Infant Anarchists re. World Domination.

Firstly, I would like to welcome all members to The International League of Infant Anarchists (herein known as the I.L.I.A.) and thankyou for your vital contribution to our research in the field of World Domination.
As you may know, that as part of our on-going feasiblilty study we recently canvassed your opinion on some grass-roots, guerilla warfare tactics of driving the adult oppressors mad. After exhaustive research and a lengthily collation project, we have found that the most effective methods of subversion are as follows:
1)eliciting unwanted Arsevice
2)Sleep and it's related issues
3)Phantom Teeth
4)Bodily Fluids on clean clothes.
Our research assistants found it fascinating that each member of the I.L.I.A. has their own unique specialty and we are proud to have such a varied range of talents in our midst. If you have any methods of subversion that we failed to investigate, please let us know so that we can honour your tactics.
Thankyou for your participation in this project, and remember that even the smallest act of rebellion can spark a revolution!

Edited to say - On a more personal note, I fufilled my duties as an Infant Anarchist by waking up six time last night before Mummy caved and took me to bed with her and then I did a massive and messy (if I do say so myself!) poo on the lounge room floor whilst Mummy and Daddy were drinking their coffee this morning!