As you may know, Mum and Dad's friends Pat and Cass are back in the country. Aunty Cass is fast becoming my new-best-grown-up....and the following correspondence demonstrates why:How are you this week? I was just wondering if you still wanted to come and play with me this weekend? Mummy and Daddy have been quite beastly to me this week. They cut my nails, made me get out of the bath, made me eat vegetables......Oh the list goes on. I really think I need to spend some time with someone who will take care of me properly.
Love your favourite child at risk,
Walter.
Dear Walter,
Of course I am coming to play this weekend.
I am shocked and appalled by the abusive behaviour that your parents have subjected you to, and so I must make the effort to reinforce to you that not all grown-ups are mean and nasty. I was thinking that on Sunday we might play with loud toys in the bath, whilst farting out all the toxins caused by those nasty vegetables.
I will try to visit on Saturday too, but may need to have a little sleep-in on Saturday morning to prepare myself for the big day on Sunday with you.
I will ring your Mother and make sure that she isn’t doing any scary or horrible things to you this weekend, like getting your haircut or giving you injections. And don’t worry; your disclosure of her and your Daddy’s behaviour is safe with me. I will secretly undermine all their rules by feeding you chocolate cake while you swing around on the clothesline so that you can learn that life with me is heaps of fun, and your parents are boring old farts.
Lotsa big squelchy kisses and love from your Aunty Cass X
Edited by Mummy to say: You are so getting a haircut, boy.....
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