Dear Eleanor,
In light of the unprecedented events this morning, I feel I need to apologise. You know how you and I 'accidentally' ran into each other outside your childcare centre this morning? I don't think the whole thing was so accidental after all, because after your evil Mummy took you inside and abandoned you, she took me home! To your house! In your car! In your car seat! And let me play with your toys! I knew something had to be going on, because my evil Mummy was all dressed up and was wearing high heels and perfume. And when she picked me up from your house she was all anxious and nervous, but now she's all excited and manic. I do not know what this is all about..... and I'm not sure if I like it!
So my friend, I'm sorry to be the one to break this to you, but your Mummy has been untrue.
I'll see you and your treacherous mother tomorrow and we can figure out what the hell is going on.
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